Ever since September 23rd, when I was dumped by the man I thought I might spend the rest of my life with I felt like my life was put on pause. I had to figure out what to do next. I had moved my entire life to Arizona to follow love and adventure, but in a matter of moments all of that had shattered. It was not a choice of mine and it was a complete shock. While I am still getting over this and attempting to move on with my life. I have realized that he left to find himself, but at the same time he abandoned me as a friend and as a partner when I needed him most.
I moved back with my friends in Fresno. This was absolutely the best move I could have made. CB is one of my favorite people in the world. We are both struggling with some things right now, so why not help each other out. But moving back has shown me how bad the job market in the Central Valley really is. In Phoenix, I had four job interviews in one week in September. All of which were great options, but I could no longer stand to be there. So while I cannot find a job that doesn't sound like garbage, I am still wanting to get my old job back.
The other issue about job hunting is insurance and pay. I am in a weird limbo right now. I need a MAJOR surgery that will be incredibly expensive. Right now I have MediCal which should pay for it, so I either need to stay "low income" or find a full time job that offers great insurance. See the dilemma there?
One more paused issue is finding love. I thought I had found it. But is gone now. I feel like I should wait until after I have a transplant and can figure myself out after side affects from drugs to even go on a date. Is that silly? I don't want a new man to have to deal with surgery, sickness, hair loss, acne, weight gain, or any other delightful side affects. I have finally found some self confidence in my body and it might just go backwards. How frustrating...
All of these things make it difficult to look forward and be positive, but I am trying my best.