I woke up feeling very heavy. Physically and mentally. My head hurts and it was hard to get out of bed. But I had to so I can do work today.
Below is a post from my instagram about grief. The best word I can describe grief is heavy.
"Tears are the silent language of grief." - Voltaire
I feel like I have been grieving someone or something every single day for the last eight years when my life changed forever with chronic kidney disease diagnosis. Grief is not just about death. Although I have had to grieve the death of people extremely close to me, there is more to it than that. I have been forced to grieve the healthy life of a young adult, my body, children I might have wanted (doubt it), breakups that I never expected, hearing loss, life without health wearables/devices, rejection, and more. It is incredibly difficult to deal with just one of these things, but life just keeps throwing me curveballs that I do not have a choice in.
A grateful attitude and outlook on life is what I am trying to work towards every single day now. I am forever grateful for my living kidney donor and the life that has brought. But that is not a cure and it has brought on other challenges that I deal with daily, like becoming diabetic. I am trying to remember daily gratitude and trying to understand that my grief around everything is valid. All I can do is try to heal my broken body, heart, and mind.
My almost daily tears right now are valid.