You
You became my comfort, my joy, my home, my everything
You made me feel safe and wanted
Now I feel like you couldn’t stand the sight of me
I look back at moments together and wonder what I could have done better
Would it have made a difference
Why am I blaming myself so much
You should have spoken up or tried to fix things
We are strangers again
You made us strangers
You became my comfort, my joy, my home, my everything
You made me feel safe and wanted
Now I feel like you couldn’t stand the sight of me
I look back at moments together and wonder what I could have done better
Would it have made a difference
Why am I blaming myself so much
You should have spoken up or tried to fix things
We are strangers again
You made us strangers
Glad
I’m really glad you broke up with me so that you could be happier and I could deal with feel completely and utterly broken.
I’m glad you didn’t speak up about your feelings for that last year, so that I can question myself endlessly.
I’m glad you can go out and do whatever you want because I never ever stopped you before and even encouraged doings things you love.
I’m glad you essentially kicked me out of the life that we built together that I put so much effort into for us.
Because I sit in my new home, alone and wonder why you did everything that you did.
I am really not glad about anything right now.
And I don’t know when that will change.
Or be easier.
Hurt
Every single day has been difficult for me
Every day I blame myself for something
Everyday I question what I did or did not do
Everyday I wonder about tiny moments that meant a lot
Everyday I feel stupid and incredibly alone
Everyday I feel hurt and sad
Everyday I wish everything had been different, deeper, more
I miss you every single day
Hope
I still hope that you will knock on my door one night and apologize. That you will have missed me as much as I missed you. That you cannot live without me.
I don’t actually believe this will happen. I know things like this do not happen in real life. It is meant for movies and books.
But I can’t help but wonder if the white car in the parking lot is yours or if the noise P hears might be you walking up the stairs.
My thoughts are always about you. My tears are always for you. Happy memories or sad thoughts about why you did this to us.
I hope you find what you were looking for that was not with me.
I hope that you learn to communicate with whoever comes after me.
I hope that I can heal and let go of you. Even though I don’t want to.
I would have done so much to keep you, if you had just talked to me.
I miss you. I miss T. I miss us.
I am trying to give up hope.