Lonliness

I currently feel lonely almost every day for a number of reasons. It feels like being trapped in a bubble that you cannot burst.

Most people have outlets where they talk to other human beings: work, school, or some sort of social club. I currently have none of these things. I have also had a cold all week, so I haven't been going to the gym this week which is my normal outlet.

My work does not exist for insurance reasons with the transplant waiting list. If I stay on MediCal, I can avoid major hospital bills. Obviously I would like that, but I am bored out of my mind. Fresno does not have a great job market anyway. I have applied for a lot of jobs and a handful of them would have been great, but they haven't even called back for interviews. So, I sit and wait for transplant.

I have also felt lonely because there is no one I know locally in a similar situation. I have lots of friends that are supportive, but I don't think they really understand what is going through my head. Sure, right now seems like a vacation but what about my past heartbreaks and the painful future full of medications. Everything seems hard right now. Being alone, without someone to hold me when my heart hurts, makes everything even harder.

All I want in life is to be healthy, have a man who loves me as much as I love him, a dog, and some nice job. The job doesn't even have to pay well, just as long as I like going every day. When can I have just one of these things?